5 Signs You’re Pouring From An Empty Cup & 5 Things You Can Do

Photo by Cameron Yartz

Every relationship we hold, whether familial, platonic, romantic, or even professional, will ask something of us. They will ask us to listen, care, remember, and participate. Children need attention and training; friends need support and wisdom; spouses need love and gentleness; coworkers need communication and kindness. And it never ends — there will always be more to give, more that is needed from us. This is the nature of being in relationship with others.

But have you ever had a moment where your relationships make you feel absolutely drained.? Where you feel like you have nothing left to give to anyone, at all, ever? Like you’re trying to pour from a cup that’s empty?

We’ve all reached that point before. And too often, this leaves a lasting negative impact on the relationships we hold dear. Which means that it’s crucial to have a sense of when your cup is nearing empty, and to create rhythms that will pour life back into you.

Below find five warning signs that your cup is empty, and five things you can do to help remedy that.

01 | Your own shortened fuse surprised you.

Maybe a simple comment from someone set you off, or an admittedly normal request made you feel like you wanted to blow up. And it wasn’t long before the guilt seeped in, and confusion about your own reaction took root.

02 | Texts, calls, and emails feel like an invasion.

It’s relatively easy to contact someone these days, as smartphones have become the norm. And usually, that doesn’t particularly bother you. But when you’re at the end of your rope, every message can feel like the outside world is attempting to invade you and the semblance of peace you’d just achieved.

03 | You find yourself dreaming about running away.

You find yourself thinking about what it would be like to live a totally different life, far away from the demands, difficulties, and realities of yours. And you find that you prefer to mentally live there than be present in the moments of your actual life.

04 | Simple tasks feel monumental.

Going to the grocery store, bath time for your toddler, folding the laundry. It all feels so big. The normal chores and tasks of your day to day life, the ones you’ve done countless times before, feel much more taxing than usual, even impossible to do.

05 | You can’t enjoy anything anymore.

It’s not only chores and to-do lists that are weighing on you. When your cup is empty, you might find that you’re too exhausted to even find enjoyment in the things that used to offer that to you. Relaxing, finding joy, resting easy — you can’t seem to sink into that frame of mind.

So, what can you do?

Now that you’ve identified that your exhaustion, irritability, and lack of motivation are stemming from pouring from an empty cup, what can you do?

01 | Allow yourself to say no.

Many of us feel an immense amount of pressure to agree to everything. We do this because we don’t want to feel guilty, genuinely want to make others happy, or think it’s the right thing to do.

Let this be your permission to say no when you need to. It’s not uncaring, selfish, or wrong to be a limited person with limited time and energy. There are times when declining is actually the more loving thing to do — it can save you from growing in resentment or bitterness.

02 | Set aside solitary time and protect it.

As your life expands with a job, a spouse, or children, you find your solitary time — the thing you use to have loads of — dwindling. This is just a reality of living a full life, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t seek out time to yourself.

However often it makes sense for your life, carve out a time that is just for you, and do whatever you need to protect it. This might look like slipping out to a quiet coffee shop for an hour, going on a solitary walk, or just shutting the door to your bedroom and turning on relaxing music. Write in your journal, pray, reflect, or just close your eyes and breathe.

03 | Turn off your notifications at night.

Your children, extended family, and your work aren’t the only sources of stress and exhaustion. It’s also coming from that phone sitting on your nightstand — the one that buzzes at two in the morning with pointless notifications and makes you feel like you’re never really “away” from the chaos of the world.

The vast majority of notifications that come through after eight at night aren’t worth looking at, so turn your notifications off when you head to bed. In the unlikely scenario that someone truly needs to reach you, they can still override your silenced notifications. But you’ll no longer be bombarded with Instagram likes, news articles, and emails that can wait until the morning.

04 | Do something that’s only for you.

One of the most common reasons you begin to feel empty is because you’re constantly on “serving” mode. Whether you’re doing your best to love your children, or to make sure your husband knows you care about him, or to stay involved in your friends’ lives, or to meet (even exceed) your boss’s expectations.

But none of your energy goes into doing something that’s just for you, and you’re beginning to feel like less of a person and more of a robot or vending machine.

This is your sign to spent time, money, or energy on something that’s for your benefit. Maybe you’ll book an appointment at a spa, or go to that coffee shop you keep promising yourself to try, or head to a local bookstore and browse to your heart’s content.

05 | Shake up your hobbies.

If the things that used to help you unwind just aren’t doing it for you anymore, that’s your sign to try something new. Try a totally different genre from what you normally read. Take up gardening. Write a short story just for the fun of it. Paint with watercolors or knit while you listen to an audiobook or a podcast. Bake yourself a fun sweet treat. Allow yourself to branch out and see what joy you can find in something you’ve never tried before.

In short…

We’ll all go through seasons of exhaustion, weariness, and pouring from an empty cup. This is part of living a full life. But these seasons don’t have to last forever, and you don’t have to white knuckle your way through them. There is always a way forward, and always a way to cultivate peace and joy in the midst of chaos.