And That’s What Friendship Looks Like

Anne of Green Gables (1985). © Sullivan Entertainment.

Anne and Diana. Jane and Lizzy Bennet. Jo and Meg March. All among the most famous and beloved female friendships of classic literature.

As a young (or old) woman, you had a friend like that. Or perhaps you still do. Or maybe you always longed for one, but never quite clicked with another woman like that.  Regardless of your situation, here is something of an ode to female friendship, that most mysterious and wonderful thing, with all its drama, laughter, affection, and whimsy.

Friendship is knowing and buying her favorite kind of chocolate for her on an ordinary day, but also hearing the same breakdown for the third time in as many days. You tell the same story from your childhood for the eighth time and she’s just as interested as she was the first time. Even though she’s never met them, she knows the names of all your high school friends and who they dated, and you know her siblings’ birthdays and what they want to be when they grow up. That’s what friendship looks like.

She talks you down after a fight with your sister and talks you up before a first date. She waits eagerly to hear every detail of your day and stores up funny stories to tell you when you finally get coffee together. She drives you to the airport, drives across the country to see you, and drives you crazy at least once a month. And that’s what friendship looks like.

No hour is too late or too early for her to be at your side. And is she really a true friend if, seeing you heartbroken, she doesn’t vow revenge and arson upon the unfortunate man, and doesn’t spend hours rubbing your back and loving you back to sanity? She knows what you love and what you hate, and she knows when she falls into each category. Because that’s what friendship looks like.

She’s there in quiet moments and in loud, dramatic ones. She’ll spend hours doing your hair or painting your nails, or laughing with you. She’s got medicine and makeup when you ask for them, and a hug and hype words when you need those too. She’s your ride-or-die; you’ve got a playlist of her favorite songs and she wears jewelry that you bought her on a trip she couldn’t go on. That’s what friendship looks like.

She knows your freckles and your Subway order and the last name you hope you’ll have someday. You know how she’s still scared of the dark even in her twenties and exactly how her handwriting looks and what she says when she’s stressed. And that’s what friendship looks like.

Among people who don’t know her, you speak of her as often as other women speak of their husband or boyfriend. No one makes you laugh quite like she does, and no one hears as many of her unfiltered thoughts as you do. And you argue like Jo and Meg over Sunday brunch and laugh together like Lizzy and Jane at pictures from your middle school years and you love her like she’s the Diana to your Anne. And you treasure every minute with her, because you know that soon enough these college days will end and you will no longer live just down the hall from her. Soon the late nights spent writing essays and watching movies together will be replaced with precious crying babies and small children too restless to sleep. And that’s what friendship will look like then.

Perhaps you recognize hints of your closest friendships in these words. Maybe someone in particular comes to mind while you read this; someone who knows your secrets and has seen you cry more times than you know. Send her this, to let her know how much you care that she cares. Let this inspire you to find new ways to love her. And if you don’t have someone like this yet, keep looking and praying. Be this friend first, and you will find someone to be this friend to you.