Practicing Hospitality While Single
Photo by cottonbro studio
“This is the power of gathering: it inspires us—delightully—to be more hopeful, joyful, more thoughtful, more alive.” -Alice Waters
I often feel that summertime is nature’s way of swinging wide her door and welcoming us in for a three-month-long feast around her beauty-laden table. Lingering light, weekends of farmers’ markets, early mornings, and the softness of grass all invite us to take a deep breath, to spread ourselves out, and to simply be.
It’s the perfect time to take earth’s suggestion and invite others into our own homes, to practice the art of hospitality, arrange those gorgeous blooms from the farmer’s market, and encounter heaven in the small but mighty moments spent together with friends, family, and community. But where to start?
Sometimes I think we let the voices of “not enough” and “not ready” keep us from practicing the holy art of hospitality and welcoming. If you think you’re not ready to entertain friends or host a gathering—especially as a single woman with a too-small or seemingly imperfect home—I want you to reconsider the purpose behind inviting others into your space.
It’s not really about you.
Or your home.
Or your car, porch, yard, apartment, kitchen, sidewalk, or wherever it is you are you in this season of life.
If you are waiting on all the pieces in your life to fall into the place of your idealized picture of womanhood, I’m leaning in across our proverbial table, coffee in hand, and gently letting you know that you’re wasting precious time.
Anyone can be hospitable at any stage or season of life. You might be asking, “why practice hospitality in the first place?” I realize that this doesn’t come naturally to everyone, and this is why I believe it’s important to take a step back and answer the question of “why.”
“Breathe upon our gathering,
O Spirit of God.
Grant each of us a place to humbly receive and
to faithfully serve, that we might know in this
brief gathering a foretaste of that greater
communion yet to come.”(Every Moment Holy, Douglas Kaine McKelvey)
We invite others into our homes, our spaces, our time, and our focus because gathering together is a holy act, a reflection, an exercise, a declaration of our place and purpose in God’s kingdom.
I think it’s often easy, especially as single women who have envisioned or long for a home and family to share with others, to step into their “now” as women fully-equipped to share Christ and the reality of an eternal family with others. It can be difficult to surrender what we think should be for what God might be calling us into right now.
The glorious thing about trusting God with today’s obedience is that it will never go to waste. What we practice and engage in now has eternal implications! This includes the simple yet vulnerable act of hospitality.
“To gather joyfully is indeed a serious affair,
for feasting and all enjoyments gratefully taken are,
at their heart, acts of war.
In celebrating this feast
we declare that
evil and death,
suffering and loss,
sorrow and tears,
will not have the final word.”(Every Moment Holy, Douglas Kaine McKelvey)
Hospitality is about inviting those you know into a space designed and set aside for presence, rest, and restoration. It’s about creating a moment in time where you can all be present together, look one another in the eyes, and strengthen one another’s hearts.
That’s it! It doesn’t have to be fancy, elaborate, or expensive… unless, of course, you want it to be! But the goal is authentic fellowship, and authenticity means putting aside your version of perfection and embracing the Holy Spirit-driven moment of redemption set before you.
We can each practice having eyes that see others as Christ sees them, opening ourselves and our spaces to the work that God wants to accomplish in a particular moment, and we can practice getting out of our own way in order to create and offer a potentially life-changing moment for someone else.
This past year, I’ve discovered that I absolutely love hosting tea parties. I hosted an autumnal tea and a birthday tea, and each was such a delight to host! But you know what? I didn’t cook or bake everything. I didn’t even offer five types of tea or dress a long table with all the finery I wish I had but don’t.
I invited others to bring their favorite treats or a tea to share, and we gathered all the available seating…from rocking chairs to barstools… in my living room. We put flowers in mason jars on wobbly card tables and drank tea from heavy coffee mugs.
It was perfect.
We enjoyed one another for an afternoon. We put aside the business and clamour of our everyday lives. We listened, leaned back, and let ourselves rejoice in the bolstering comfort of fellowship.
You don’t have to have the perfect home in order to start the opening chapter of your own brand of hospitality. I hosted “friendsgiving” in an unfinished basement apartment, and we all had a wonderful time. You don’t need expensive dishes or furniture or decor to make a space feel welcoming, loving, and comfortable. You just need you.
“People aren’t longing to be impressed; they’re longing to feel like they’re home. If you create a space full of love and character and creativity and soul, they’ll take off their shoes and curl up with gratitude and rest, no matter how small, no matter how undone, no matter how odd.”
— Shauna Niequist
So where to begin? If you feel unsure about where to start or even how you’d like to offer hospitality to your friends, here are a few easy ways to begin…
01 | Porch time
A personal favorite. The other evening, my roommates and I found ourselves with several hours of sunlight ahead of us and nothing in particular to do with it. So we each sent off texts to our friends inviting them to come eat watermelon with us on the porch. Last minute. No prep. No clean house. And while many couldn’t make it last minute, those who came were thrilled to come sit cross legged with us on the front porch and enjoy the sunset with watermelon juice dripping down our fingers.
02 | Cooking company
Did you accidentally thaw too much meat? Invite a friend or two to come hang out while you cook them dinner. I love this version of inviting others over for a meal because it takes away the stress of feeling like I need to present a clean kitchen before guests show up. Pour yourself and your friends a few refreshing glasses of iced lemon water and enjoy some easy-going conversation while you’re cooking. No pretentiousness allowed.
03 | Tea time
I already relayed to you my love of tea parties, and I think you should absolutely host one too in all of your Bridgerton and Anne of Green Gables glory, but you don’t ever need to feel like you have to host an elaborate soiree in order to have the perfect tea time. It can be as simple as inviting one or two friends over for a cup of tea or coffee.
What I love about this is that it doesn’t require you to all agree upon a coffee shop in town or hope you’ll find the right seating. Inviting someone into your home automatically promotes relaxation. It’s intimate and always within everyone’s budget. Turn on some music, light a candle, and enjoy an hour over a cuppa.
04 | Game night
I’m laughing because with every game night I’ve hosted, I’ve never once provided any of the games. I’m not really a “game person” but sometimes it feels good to invite a mix of both guy and girl friends over for a laid-back evening of laughter and no-stakes competition. Pop some popcorn, tell your friends to bring a game, and voila! You’ve very simply provided the invitation and space for the evening you all need after a long day of work.
05 | The picnic
Who doesn’t love a picnic? The best part about this option is that it gets everyone out of the house. No cleaning required. Invite your friends to a park or meadow and pack a bag with sparkling waters and a blanket. You can pick up some take-out or make something as simple as sandwiches ahead of time. It’s the time together, and the invitation to enjoy this moment with you, that’s special. Bonus if you’re into sporty things like frisbee, spike ball, pickleball, tag football… anything involving throwing or hitting balls. I’m not. But I do love watching… really.
In short…
An offering of beauty, time, and space doesn’t have to be elaborate or cost you a fortune to procure. Often, beauty is created through the sense of being truly known, valued, and wanted. Hospitality and entertaining are tangible ways for us to offer the love of Christ to others, to be a refuge in a dark world, to offer rest to those who are weary. You don’t need to be married, have a beautiful home, or have a high-paying job in order to begin developing your own, unique version of hospitality. You can begin with small, spontaneous moments of grace and welcome. The first step is always willingness, and the time you spend in offering yourself and space to others can be a reflection, a tangible reminder and experience of Christ’s love and the heavenly kingdom to which we belong.
“We live in a world that values us for how fast we go, for how much we accomplish, for how much life we can pack into one day. But I’m coming to believe it’s in the in-between spaces that our lives change, and that the real beauty lies there.”
— Shauna Niequist
